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'Elitist Computer Nerd Posse'

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(2 fixes | TECH IT!)

*sighs heavily*... [22 Aug 2016|06:49pm]

jecook
So, a couple shiny new 'features' that were added into livejournal allowed for both semi-automated whitelisting and automatically granting access.

However, said whitelist was pretty open. I've gone and throttled it a bit. (It just means that anything not on the whitelist gets thrown into the moderation queue for a human (or sentient mutant hopefully) to give it the ol hairy eyeball. Like most things, it'll take a bit of tuning to reach a happy medium.


And just to re-iterate the profile notice:

REQUEST: If your post is particularly verbose or Not Safe For Work (NSFW), Please put an LJ-Cut on it. This is not a hard n fast rule, merely a suggestion.

Policy statement added as of 5/17/2007, On Advertising: "Advertising services (especially computer support services!) in this community is generally prohibited, unless otherwise approved by the moderation team. Most of us do support as a day job, and frankly don't want to hear about it during our off hours. If you post advertising in this community, your post will be mocked mercilessly before it is deleted and you WILL BE BANNED."

(34 fixes | TECH IT!)

Crowning moment of WTF... [20 Mar 2016|04:00pm]

jecook
In a shameless attempt to revive this old, dusty place, I want to know what your crowning moment of WTFery at the workplace you've experienced. I'll start.


I've been at $company for nearly ten years. This is somewhat strange for this particular industry (Tribal Gaming) as usually people get fed up with management, fed up with the pay(1), or just want a change of scenery.

I think the worst WTFery I've seen was last summer. We had seen a couple incidents of Cryptolocker poking around, and I had taken initiative to lock things down via a group policy so that I didn't have to spend several hours every couple days restoring department shares because some turkey borked their machine.

The CIO commended me for doing this. My direct boss forced me to undo those changes a few days later because I 'didn't perform a full risk assessment of the effects of locking down the machine's ability to install harmful software.'(2)

The fecal matter hit the fan shortly thereafter which ended with the CIO ordering me to re-implement my changes after a final infection damaged one of the front of line applications and took it offline for several hours before a weekend.(3)

Haven't seen a single instance of cryptolocker affecting the systems since.

Your turn!


1. The company has a *lot* of cash for buying pretty shiny hardware; not so much for retaining the talent to drive it.
2. Boss's way of saying "You didn't say 'mother may I' before taking steps to maintain system integrity", the buttplug.(4)
3. I don't *think* that final incident cost us any revenue, but it gave the boss a nice black eye.
4. And that's being insulting to all buttplugs. At least those don't drive people to mental breakdowns in front of their co-workers.

(1 fix | TECH IT!)

Huh. [31 May 2015|05:36pm]

melstav
I just dropped in to see what happened with the n00b who asked for help with their old and busted computer. I wanted to see if anyone other than me responded, etc, etc....

It would appear that they deleted their post.

Pity.

(4 fixes | TECH IT!)

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work, Part 10 [30 May 2015|12:48pm]

delta_mike
[ mood | amused ]

(Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)

  • Change my job-title to, "Knight Errant, Keeper of the Bits, Guardian of the Unwary, and Defender against the Internet Hordes".
  • ... "Claims of accuracy are not a compelling argument. You're not allowed a better job title than I have."
  • Update the GECOS field for my user account to a value other than that held by HR.
  • To not circumvent this restriction by updating testing accounts instead.
  • To also not update the GECOS field for other users contrary to User Administration policy. Take the suffix "(Killjoy)" off my account at once.
  • ... "No, you not allowed ask the head of User Administration for special permission. She'll say yes."
  • The University's Graduation ceremonies should not be referred to as the "Semi-Annual Batman Cosplay Convention."
  • ... "moreover, you will only be admitted if wearing the traditional formal robes. Your sloppy clown make-up and purple jacket is completely inappropriate."
  • You are not to invent your own hazard glyph that asserts "THIS OBJECT IS COMPLETELY HARMLESS".
  • ... particularly if it has a post-it added that adds, "... unless provoked."
  • No, the Vice-Chancellor is not a Cylon.
  • You are not empowered to set condition one throughout the department.
  • The departmental fire coordinator is responsible for managing the building's fire wardens, not for calling in airstrikes on targets of interest. Send that radio equipment back.

(11 fixes | TECH IT!)

Wow 2 years since last post [26 May 2015|11:32am]

geekgrrl_ca
[ mood | bored ]

I keep forgetting LiveJournal exists.  Then I get an email stating that some one that's not a member tried to post spam.   On a medical leave of absence from tech support right now, though when I was last doing it it was more of techsupporting the customer instead of the equipment (complaint management where I'd have to tell people "Yes, you are going to have to talk to some one from India, no I am not able to help you fix your registry".

(10 fixes | TECH IT!)

There must be a logical explanation [08 Nov 2012|05:12pm]

harry_whodunnit
This morning my girlfriend's father asked me to fix the Kindle App on his iPad. I did.

And learned that the only ebook he owns is Fifty Shades of Grey.

(6 fixes | TECH IT!)

This is why I can't have weapons at work. [17 Apr 2012|07:04pm]

caralindacat
[ mood | enraged ]


Cut for hatredCollapse )

(2 fixes | TECH IT!)

I hope. [07 Apr 2012|09:54am]

harry_whodunnit
I hope, the next time I'm re-installing PCs for a company whose equipment budget is so tight they have to re-use machines that have been doused by a burst sewage pipe, that they'll be courteous enough to tell me this before I come back from lunch.

Thank god I'm not permanent there. Luckily, I've made a habit of sterilising my hands after touching customer equipment. Users are filthy.

(22 fixes | TECH IT!)

[24 Mar 2012|04:22pm]

ravenofdreams
I've got a poll for all of you who do end-user support.... 
Poll #1828676 Entitled

Which group, generally, is most irritatingly entitled?

Doctors
21(25.9%)
Lawyers
27(33.3%)
Teachers
11(13.6%)
Something else, which I'll rant about in the comments.
22(27.2%)

(6 fixes | TECH IT!)

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work, Part 9 [22 Mar 2012|01:09am]

delta_mike
[ mood | amused ]

(Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)

  • Name servers after meta-syntactic variables.
  • The correct strategy for coping with a contagious illness is not, "Continue to come in and cough on all the users, so that there's no work for you to do when you recover.”
  • Configure the undergraduate lab workstations to object verbally when someone tries to wander off with one of it's peripherals.
  • Change the graphical login shell on April Fools Day to mimic the Windows 95 desktop, complete with Mac start-up chord.
  • Tell a user that all of their data – and all of the backups of their data – are gone, "Just to see the look on their little faces."
  • Reduce load on the home-directory servers by implementing "rolling SIGSTOPs" on end-user terminals.
  • Keep sharpened CD blanks in my desk drawers.
  • Say, "Ooops, that's not the button I meant to press." while in earshot of, well, anyone.
  • Explain to undergraduates that "the git revision control tool" is an implement used by authoritarian lecturers to make them prepare harder for exams.
  • Publish notices in public spaces claiming that "It's not just you. Technical support really are out to get you. Yes, you."
  • ... or add a footnote claiming that the ire of technical services can be placated with chocolate.
  • Well done, however, for passing your first-aid training. Hopefully you won't need it. While you're at it, could you take over as the local fire coordinator as well..?
(Continued!)

(4 fixes | TECH IT!)

Skyp-ing Mother Moment [16 Mar 2012|05:22pm]

liquidmercurial
So, it's been about...umm FOREVER since I've posted or even looked at this community. I recently got back into the support world after an 8 year stint being away from anything support related. Luckily, we don't have a lot of WTF moments for the software company I work for in relation to EUs. So, now I get most of my support funnies from my mother.

I go to my parents' house and my mother asks, "Have you ever Skyped before?" I actually have not. Just haven't had the need or desire to. I tell her no. She says, "Oh well. I have before and now I just can't get it to work. It was working yesterday. I just can't seem to find how to launch it on their website."

So, I sit down at her computer and glance for keywords about launching from the site. I see nothing. So, I immediately go to the help section where I discover it's software. I close all her windows. *Meanwhile she's behind me asking what am I doing frantically* I go to Programs, launch the program, then get up and leave. I can hear my mom laughing as I leave. She then shouts to me, "You must really think I'm an idiot!"

"No, mom. I just don't think you remember how to read when faced with a computer."

(9 fixes | TECH IT!)

VMware what? [11 Mar 2012|12:19am]

biggeek
Background: Small investment company.

CTO Partner: I have a special project for you, so I need you to have VMware VCP 5.0 certification ASAP!

Me: Sure! (Thinking that he wants in-house server consolidation...The company pays for the class, materials and exam...So why not?)

Months later...This last Friday.

Me: Well, now I'm a VMware Certified Professional. What is this project?

CTO Partner: The company partners all want to use iPads like their laptops!

Me: Wait. What?

(CTO Partner shows me a VMware View Client for iPad youtube video.)

Me: I'll get back to you.

So the presumption was that the VCP certification would also include training in deploying VMware View and VMware ThinApps.

The "special project" was imagined that the company partners would be marching around the office halls poking and prodding their iPad 2's (and, most likely, all iPad 3's by April) virtual Windows desktops.

On Monday, I have the joy of informing the CTO Partner that I will need a couple more months to learn how to deploy the in-house VMware View/ThinApp environment that he originally expected.

It's not a "That's a firin'" event...But I definitely need to manage and better define the CTO Partner's expectations about his "special project."

Blargh.

(8 fixes | TECH IT!)

Users that make you go 'AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!' [11 Feb 2012|01:01pm]

jecook
I guess what I hate most about my job (AD/Exchange/Backup/COAT* Administrator for a company of ~1400 users/3000 employees) is not the support folks throwing stuff over the fence at me, not departments pulling the 'oh, we need to contact HR to finalize an employee transfer before you'll re-provision their account entitlements, even though we did this weeks ago?' card**, not even the legitimate problems (such as the PDCE domain controller becoming increasingly stupid until I moved it to freshly resurrected server***).

What I hate the most of when groups of users are moved. Such as when a group of five users are moved from one organizational unit to another, with little or notice to the IT group. Especially when said five users are taking up more space on the SAN then the entire department they are moving to. Oh, and world+dog still needs access to their files (but refuse to say WHAT FILES). Oh, AND they absolutely, POSITIVELY REFUSE to use the interdepartmental share that's designed for such nonsense, even AFTER we've told them about it. Multiple times. And then have shit kittens when half their stuff disappears because their workstation decided to cache their files locally (despite the corporate group policy stating otherwise****) instead of using the SAN's ~1 TB or so of storage*****.

Plus, this is not the first time this group has been moved, and since they have upwards of half a TB of crap, I said 'fuck it!' and put them into their own damn group. It's not perfect, but if the rumors of them getting moved again are true, then it'll be less work for me to move them around.


So, what's the nastiest user horror story ya'll have run into?



* Cat of All Trades - generally, I'm generally the poor bastard that gets pestered first before the other senior network administrators, only because of my time in the place and knowledge of almost every system in use.

** I blame the lack of a solid process that's enforced with an iron spike covered fist for these debacles. At least I'm on good terms with the HR staffer that handles all these changes- she's a bit of a dragon when provoked.

*** At one point, we had it from one of the top support engineers at M$ that one could virtualize all the domain controller in an AD forest. We found out about two weeks ago during a risk assessment profile that we paid for that this was not the case. My best guess is that was the straw that broke the cat's back, as the domain controller in question went pear shaped the day after the assessment was finished. Fortunately, I had not pulled the old, out-of-warranty physical domain controllers out of the rack, so a little techno-necromancy later and we have a temporary DC running as the FSMO and nothing BUT the FSMO until we get a brand new pizza box in.

**** I blame the support group for dumping their machine or user account into the "excluded from ALL GROUP POLICIES" group which is supposed to be used for troubleshooting a group policy problem to begin with, which has the effect of breaking stuff on the local machine, which, oh by the way, violates a couple regulatory controls that are part of the compact which allows us to exist. Gawds, I love tribal gaming!

***** At least, until the snapshots for said SAN ran the thing out of space overnight; thank BOG the next morning was our monthly change window, and I came into the business being at a DEAD HALT because the support tech didn't bother calling us in a panic like he should have, and our automated systems don't scream in that manner (yet). That was a FUN morning.

(4 fixes | TECH IT!)

Dear extended family, [21 Dec 2011|10:48am]

harry_whodunnit
If you want some help with your internet issues this Christmas then please, for my sake, make an effort to hide your porn.

Last year was pretty awkward.

(9 fixes | TECH IT!)

My shortest (and best) Field Service TAP ever [21 Nov 2011|05:00pm]

buckaction
[ mood | frustrated ]

"Investigate server shaped brick."



Really. I have absolutely NOTHING to go on with this case. AT ALL. That is honestly the best I can do with this one :(

(5 fixes | TECH IT!)

[18 Oct 2011|06:26pm]

lolotehe


Hardy har har.

(20 fixes | TECH IT!)

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work, Part 8 [15 Oct 2011|04:41pm]

delta_mike
[ mood | amused ]

(Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)

  • Refer to my office as the 'holding cell'.
  • Remove the world-executable bit from /bin/rm, because "the users can't be trusted to use it safely."
  • Demonstrate my dominion over the undergraduate lab by scripting all of the lab machines to sequentially eject and withdraw their CD drive trays in a continuous mexican wave.
  • Update the service status page to enumerate the current functional levels of the system administrators.
  • ... particularly listing your own status as "low voltage on +5 line, supply more coffee."
  • Reconfigure printers to display as their low-toner message NEED MORE POWDERED CHOCOLATE.
  • ... or have them display the message OM NOM PAPER when loading from the extended magazine.
  • ... never, ever configure the printers to display the message JUDGING YOU at any time. One of the secretaries had to be restrained from beating their office photocopier to death with their shoe.
  • The correct sequence of steps of making a presentation is not, "1: Insert foot in mouth. 2: Aim gun at foot. 3: Fire." Kindly remove this text from the "Helpful advice to undergraduates" wiki-page.
  • Maintain and/or distribute fortunes files containing quotes from University lecturers.
  • Add Aerial Faith Plate markings to the floor-tiles in the machine-room.
  • ... or label individual lecture theatres and labs with test-chamber glyphs.
  • ... or, in any other way, indicate to the student population that cake may be found in the College tutor's offices.
  • I am permitted, nay encouraged, to study the Canons of Effective and Ethical Systems Adminstration. The study of cannons, however, is strongly contraindicated.
(Continued!)

(15 fixes | TECH IT!)

[14 Oct 2011|11:53am]

ravenofdreams
I don't know how 'tech' this is, but hey, it's pissing me off, and I'm a tech, so here goes.

We here at Small Computer Store do sell preowned Pear computers. As you might imagine, this is a horrifically popular service.
We have a LIST, a waiting list.
You sign up for the list, and when we get one that meets your specifications, we call you. Nice, right?
Now, the downside to this, as I have explained to more than one complete asshole today - IF YOU ARE NOT ON THE LIST, YOU GET FUCK-ALL. Why?
BECAUSE THERE'S PEOPLE WAITING. ON THE WAITING LIST. FOR MONTHS.

Your computer crashed at 11 o'clock last night? Aww, I can try and fix it.
Aha. You spilled beer on it. Nope, that's not going to be fixable. Very sad.
You'd like to buy a preowned replacement? Yes, certainly. PUT YOUR NAME ON THE LIST. YES. AS I EXPLAINED TO YOU ON THE PHONE WHEN YOU CALLED, JUST TWENTY MINUTES AGO. Why would you think you'd get a more-to-your-taste answer if you came in and whined? This is why we have a list - because lots of people have broken their computer, just as you have. I hate whiners. Everyone hates whiners. Why would that ever help?

Jesusmonkeyfuck, people, how hard is this shit?

(7 fixes | TECH IT!)

[06 Oct 2011|09:02pm]

mustangracer
I work with credit card terminals.

One of our "UBER IMPORTANT" (Head up ass!) client calls with an issue hitting an SSL address, keeps failing. I do some basic troubleshooting and tell them I will double check something with the device maker.
They have 2 models of devices that are identical except one is PN #AAA and one is PN#AAB. I have both of those in my inventory so I try to recreate the issue. No dice. Everything works fine here.

Must be their network (they have a jacked up setup). Of course, they say "NO WAY! OUR NETWORK IS UBER! Our IT guy is a god and you are dumb!"

So, they decide that they need to send me the "broken" equipment.

I plug it in. Nope. Doesn't work on my network either. Defective?

Since we didn't sell this specific piece O crap to them...I tell them to get a hold of the device reseller and troubleshoot it.

2 days - crickets.

I email them to see how they want their doorstops shipped back and the EVP has a holy hissy fit on me.
"Why didn't I do more? Why didn't I call their reseller and figure it out??"

Like you assholes are my only client and this isn't costing my company money that we will never get from you.

I take another look. Date's wrong in the device memory.
It's gone back to 2001.

DHCP. SSL certificates expired 11/22/2001.

God they are morons. Who doesn't fix the date/time on something before they even play with it?

Change date/time - renew/release the IP.

Huh, image that. SSL cert date of 10/06/2011 - works fine...

(9 fixes | TECH IT!)

learning to recognize the signs of stroke [22 Sep 2011|03:40pm]

lolotehe
Guy calls our desk and is having trouble with his TV. I let him know that our desk does not handle that, but if he goes to av.domain.com, he'll find some contact information there.

"It won't find that email address."

That's not an email address; it's a website.

"So how do I get there?"

You just type that in the address bar in Explorer.

"But it didn't find that address."

Not in Outlook; in Explorer.

He opens IE and the company's internal home-page comes up.

"Where is it on here?"

You just type it into the address bar at the top.

"It just brought up a bunch of stuff. Which one do I click?"

Like what? What do you mean, 'a bunch of stuff'?

"The Bing results."

OK, don't type it in the search bar. Type it in the address bar.

"What was that site again?"

AV.domain.com.

(typing)"AV@domain.com.....it's not finding it."

AND I COULD GO ON, BUT I'M SURE YOU'VE BEEN THERE.

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