spooforbrains (spooforbrains) wrote in techsupport,
spooforbrains
spooforbrains
techsupport

The anti-anti virus email

A friend of mine just sent out this magnum opus, the kind of mail I have always wanted to write but have never had the nerve (for fear of humiliating the idiot who sent out the original missive). I think I'm going to print it out and put it on my wall.

(Names have been changed to protect the gullible)


Dear Arthur et all,

Any email which purports to be an 'anti virus' email or tells you to email everyone you know is a load of bull, every time. Categorically.
Viruses do not 'burn' the hard drive, and no virus writer - with even a modicum of brains will use a fixed file name for their payload. Especially not the one making the 'most dangerous virus in the world' and anyway, wiping the boot sector is something the stoner virus did ... #IN 1983#.

In any case, Microsoft, CNN, the BBC, the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Pope or James Bond oh, oh seven will not - and I can say this categorically, ever refer to a virus as the worst ever! It would be stupid hyperbola and play to the authors ego.

If such existed you'd know because these companies,people and (probably) fictional personalities would take out full page advertisements in the newspaper, and put big flashing warning messages with bright red background on their collective websites, and the police and intellegence services would be banging on the doors.

Having checked MI5's website (along with the NSA, NASA, IBM, GOOGLE, MICROSOFT and THE MOST EXCELLENT WEBPAGE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD), I can therefore categorically tell you that this is a joke written by some juivenile delinquent who wants to find out how many guliable people exist in the world.

I also consulted a pint of warm best bitter black sheet beer, and it concurred with me.

Please, in future, don't be one of those people who feels that they need to run naked down the street, with a sign covering their modesty saying 'I forward mails that say the worst email virus in the world is coming to get us all, and it is going to eat my pet rabbit and turn my dog into a rabid rabbi'.

Lots of love, your irrepresible brother,



Zaphod
Hanging out in the getto shoot'n pool with my man, the main man, 007.

(ding dong, excuse me, I have a man in a dodgy black looking suit and overcoat at my door with dark shades.. I have to go... Looks like someone has found me!)


-original message-
...BLAH BLAH BLAH ....
PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND

CONTACTS!

... BLAH BLAH ...
It is a virus which opens a postcard image, which 'burns'
... BLAH BLAH BLAH ...
This is the worst virus announced by CNN. It has been

classified by
... BLAH BLAH BLAH ...
Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus

was

discovered by McAfee recently, and there is no repair yet

for this

kind of virus.
... BLAH BLAH OH SCARY DIDDUMS BLAH BLAH ...

This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc,

... WOOO TECHNICAL DETAIL.... !NOT! ....

where the vital

information is kept.


... BLAH BLAH, BLAH BLAH.. DOUBLE BLAH..

If you believe this I have a large iceblock called antarctica which I have exclusive rights to sell you, please send me £5 attached to a postcard and I'll ask my best mate, the russian prime minister to give you the keys...

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

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