delta-mike (delta_mike) wrote in techsupport,

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Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work, Part 7

(Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)
  • Name the new batch of file-servers after Latin expletives.
  • Name any server ORWELL.
  • .. especially if it's the network IDS box or HTTP proxy server.
  • .. your second choice of name of BLACKMAIL for the HTTP proxy server is likewise vetoed.
  • Change the ring-tone on my office phone to the theme tune from "Mission: Impossible".
  • ... or have it signal an incoming call from the Financial officer by playing, "Back in Black."
  • ... similarly forbidden combinations include "Smoke on the Water" for the building Fire officer, "Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead" for the site medical team, or "Go Go Power Rangers" for campus security.
  • ... Modification of the ringtone or any other setting of other users' handsets without express permission from the owner is likewise forbidden.
  • Random Early Drop is not a legitimate strategy for coping with too many support tickets.
  • The back-up tapes are not scared of the dark.
  • ... Do not assign individual personalities to different back-up tapes.
  • ... Do not draw eyes and faces on the back-up tapes in permanent black marker.
  • ... The back-up tapes cannot speak, nor have they formed a collective and elected you their leader.
  • ... In the event the back-up tapes do speak, you are not to follow their advice.
  • In short, do not anthropomorphise the backup tapes. We don't like it.
  • ... We are not asking you to anthropomorphise Departmental Management. Despite your protestations to the contrary, we are already anthropomorphic.
  • No, rioting in the streets does not constitute legal grounds for forming a "People's Militia", a.k.a forming your own Security group.
  • ... Also, no, martial-arts instruction can't be funded out of the Departmental training budget.
  • ... We are, however, accepting your request for training in first-aid. We suspect it's probably a bad idea, but we can't immediately see how..
Tags: amusement, skippys_list
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